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Parents and Children: Should be friends or not?

Parents and ChildrenBeing a good parent is tough. But then it is a very important factor that helps in growth of your children. It is said or generally you would hear people saying that one should be friends with their children, so that they (Children) have a trust filled bond with you; they are more open with you and share your issues and problems with you easily. When you become friends with your children, the bond between you and them is based on sentiments and affection. It is good to share an open a relation, be part of their daily activities and listen to them; but then they want someone to set rules and boundaries for them.

It is noticed that when parents become friends with their children, their children tend to take them for granted. They seem to break rules, disrespect their friends and treat them as they would treat their buddies. As the children tend to grow older the relation between children and parents, their bond becomes functional rather than emotional. This is one of the reasons that make people say that you should be good parent to your children, rather than being friends with them.

The debate over the topic whether to be friends with your children or not, has been continuing for a long time now. And many people advocate the fact that one should not be their child’s friend. Rather, one should focus on a healthy relation that has been built with love, care and openness, with set limitations and precincts for their relation. And personally I agree to this fact, because I feel that children require parents more than they would need us as friends; as they can find many friends but not parents. (This does not mean that parents should be strict enough with them and treat them with authority). Being friends with your children might be beneficial, if you become their friends in proper manner. Here are few tips on how to become friends with your children:

You are Parent first and then a Friend

Your Parent first and then a FriendWhen you become or are trying to become friends with your children, tell them that you are their friend, but at the same time you are their parent too. Thus, the respect levels should be well maintained and none of you (either they or you should cross your boundaries).

Set Rules

Set RulesEven if you and your kids are friends, both of you should follow the set rules. Set rules, that both you should be following in order to have a healthy relation. Also, explain them the consequences when they try to break rules and follow them rigorously.

Give Reasons

If you dislike somebody or if you restrict them from doing something, then an explanation for the same should be given. I mean, that if you simply say a no for something and do not provide any justification for the same; then they might tend to turn into a rebel. They might develop negative feelings for you and might not be able to gain trust in you. Thus, they should be explained the reasons for something that they are denied from doing. They should be explained the reason for studying subjects like Mathematics or PhysicsI do agree that sometimes there are certain reasons that you cannot explain them directly, but in that case you should talk to them and let them know that it is for their own benefit that you are doing this.

Share

ShareThey should share everything right from their school life to their personal life; such as where are they going, with whom are they going what time they shall be back and things like that. This is important as they need to understand that you are the provider and you have all the right to ask them. 

But, then on other hand do not share your personal life or emotions (the ones that are not related with them) as your children are not ready for understanding the adult things. Do not a start talking or discussing the financial issues or your married life with them, just in order to make them your confidante or behave as friends with them. They are neither interested nor it is an appropriate act to do.

Do not Spoil Them

Do not Spoil ThemWhen you try to become friends with your children do not try to spoil them. Do not agree and fulfill each demand they raise, do not over indulge with them and do say an affirmative NO, wherever it is required. There is no harm in telling them openly that you cannot afford something and if they show, tantrums then do not give on to it.

Do not interfere too much

Do not interfere too muchJust like us, even children do not like when somebody (including their parents and their siblings) try to get too much into their personal life. So the formula for a healthy and open relation between you and your children is that do not try to get too deep into their personal life. Do not keep an eye on every small move or pose too many questions regarding their friends and their daily activities. If they want to study with their friends then understand this. This will take your relation/ bond in a right direction.

Be Patient

Be PatientIt is necessary to be patient and not lose your calmness, whenever your children are making mistakes. Instead of scolding hem and punishing them it would be a better idea to explain them what they have done is wrong and try speaking to them. Try understanding why did they do it or in what situation did they took that step and finding the root cause of it. 

Most of the parents tend to think that when you become friends with your children, they will trust you more and share things more openly. But this is not the case. The trust between you both and your relation will flourish more only if you listen to them (listen to the daily activities that they have carried out); calmly handle the situation where things have gone out of your control and the most importantly telling truth.

Parents need to be more confident about their children and trust whatever they say (not everything, but most of the time should believe your children). Be open to their choices and let them make their own choices. This will help them to learn through life experiences and support them during all situations. Share their dreams and aspirations in life; back them in fulfilling their dreams. Let them know that you will be always there to support and comfort them, if anything goes wrong. 

Be PatientParenting is a huge responsibility and it is not easy to carry it off. Thus, try to be built a relation or bond with understanding, freedom and love; so that your children do not have a disastrous childhood. When your children know that you will always be with them and they have someone to look up to; then they tend to have a positive an d fun filled childhood. This will help them to be a good and a better person tomorrow. Each child is different and so is each parent. So before you decide to follow the steps for being a good parent (or being friends with your children), try to analyze and see what is that your children expect you to be; A good Parent or a Friend!

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